Announcing my Candidacy for President

Hi, my name is Bart and I suffer from SSS (Seriously Stupid Syndrome). Until I was diagnosed, SSS took a devastating toll on my life and those around me. Because of SSS, I am now homeless, living in a motel (where I am forced to work as the night clerk, behind a bullet proof window) with my wife, up to my neck in debt, with no light at the end of the tunnel. But after being diagnosed with SSS I have found my true calling in life,so....

I am announcing my candadacy for the Presidenciary Position of these United States of America. Since I am too late for any caucuses or primaries, or even to pass around a petition, I am requesting you all to put my name on the ballet, as a write in vote, with a permanent black sharpie.

Why vote for me? Since our economy is going down the tubes, wouldn't you want someone in office who has experience in living at or below the poverty level? Then you wouldn't hear me saying things like, "Oops, our millionaire friends need a bailout, can you poor middle class people help us out?" or "I am so proud of all the brave Americans who are willing to sacrifice to help our economy." or "I will see to it that health care if available to every American at an affordable price."

No sirreee bob, you will not hear that from me. Instead you will hear the truth. Things like, "Hey the millionaires blew it and since you know what rolls downhill, guess who will suffer for it? Too bad, there's nothing you can do about it, because you really don't matter to them and they are going to save their butts without considering the circumstances." "Affordable Healthcare? Can't everybody afford to give one third of their check to healthcare?" and "Lower taxes? Who the heck do you think is gonna pay for everything?"

You can also get valuable advise on things like:

How to feed your family in $40.00 a week grocery money.

Keeping your car running on a rubber band and a shoe string.

and

Looking forward to the future without the light at the end of the tunnel.

I shoot from the hip and as long as I take my medication to stabilize my SSS (Which I hopefully can afford once I become President) things will probably be about the same, but you won't have a bunch of out of touch, elitists cramming bull down your thoats.

Oh, yea, and tail gating at the White House for all Vol Games!!!

I look forward to your write in votes on election day!!